Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
