took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
