I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
