it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So much rum. So many feels.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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