That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
