i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
