OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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