The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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