I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
