Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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