people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're too hungover to prance.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
