When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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