Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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