He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
