i don't like sucking hair
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got inside last night via doggy door
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
