A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize