WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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