At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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