you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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