My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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