Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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