toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I deserve this hangover.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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