You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Can Purell be used as lube?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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