Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
