Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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