So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
