we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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