i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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