Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
