I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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