Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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