I seem to have left my pride at pride
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
