No stitches, just platelets and will power
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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