Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
