We won't sleep together?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
