Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
