I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
