I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
someone owes me an orgasm
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
