so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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