Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
