Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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