i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
