i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
