I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
