Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
