Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
