a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
