no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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