just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
