she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
