Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
