I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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