My friends, they love my intelligence
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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