my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
