He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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