You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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