"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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