I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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