you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
