I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
