at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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