Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I had your ass I would rule the world
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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