in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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