i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
