she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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