he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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