puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
