paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
