this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
