I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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