Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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